We're Cats?
by jazzy2may
Summary: The trouble magnets are at it again and this time they've been turned into cats. T/R slash. Don't like don't read.


Originally posted on my website and I believe on EntsSlashYahoo group list. :D

**Title: Wyr-Cats/We're Cats?  
**Written by: Jazzy

**Warning: Slash, M/M, Silly fic. Don't Like Don't Read.**

Pairing: Tucker/Reed  
**Rating: M**

Summary: Reed and Tucker get turned into cats. Porthos is disgruntled and very unhappy. He smells Reed, he smells Tucker, but they're not humans anymore. They're not part of his pack any more, they're OTHER. They are cats!

Three complete chapters. Story Complete.

* * *

**Chapter One**

The Beginning

One minute the boys thought they were both being hit on at the same time by the same female and the next minute they had been turned into cats. The Female Q smiled sweetly on her pets and hugged them to her bosom. "So adorable!" she sighed. "My job here is done. Ta ta boys."

At first they didn't know what to do or what to believe. It couldn't be possible and yet here they were… kitty cats. It was inconceivable how these things always happened to them.

Reed hissed at Tucker haunched over and trembled in misery. Abject guilt riddled written all over his feline countenance. Reed sighed, he didn't want to forgive Trip just yet but his friend looked terribly sad. He let his anger go and instead slumped then stealthily he stepped to Trip's side once he was at his friend's furry side he then licked Trip's fur in kitty apology style then sat down next to his huddled friend and put a tiny kitty arm around his scruff in a human hug.

"Don't worry" he seemed to say, "We'll find our way out of this one, like we have all the rest of it. Cheer up Trip. We'll get back to Enterprise somehow and be human again someway."

A tear crawled down Tucker's ginger and cream cheek. Malcolm continued to try to comfort Trip cat and human style. Both looking miserable huddled in their overly large human clothes getting rain poured on them.

"We should find shelter." Insisted Reed taking the lead.

Tucker shook his kitty head stubbornly. "We should stay right here." Ears laying flat on his wide large orange ginger head. Glowing Green blue-eyes narrowed. "We should stay where our clothes are. So when the others find our communicators, in our clothes, they'll find us as well."

"You have a good point. But its raining." Complained, whined, Reed. Gray long fur shook with dampness. "I'm being soaked through my bones."

Ginger cat chuckled. "Don't worry Mal. I'll keep ya warm. Snuggle up against me. A couple of these leaves from these plants seem to be doing a pretty good job of keeping me dry."

Reed's blue eyes, glowing amber, glared at his counterpart. Sniffed, shook his fury body a little harder then sidled up closer to his pal. He practically drowned in orange fur for a moment and sighed. Trip was pretty darned warm and dry and just perfect. He closed his eyes and fell asleep while Ginger tabby Trip took the first watch.

Hunting was easy. There were lots of birds and rodents, bugs and fruits around the alien garden. Both cats had a ball chasing and playing with their prey and with one another. When they heard barking they ran back to their clothes and waited for their people to find them.

Porthos sniffed everywhere. He was so excited to finally be off the metal box and into a place with green grass and heavenly scents. He scented uncle Trip and friend Malcolm but when he got to the pile of clothes the scents changed subtly, they smelled different but interesting.

As Porthos sniffed and sniffed and made a general nuisance of himself friend Malcolm had a word or two to say about Porthos sniffing his rear end. Out came the claws, ruffled fur standing on end in a roaring yowl of indignity with a hiss on the end, he swiped his claws across Porthos big beak. The beagle squeaked, yelped and backpedaled away from friend Malcolm and quickly ran back to his Daddy, barking his distress all the way.

Trip blinked at Malcolm. "You shouldn't have done that to Porthos. He's just a little doggy Mal. Johnny's not going to be real happy with you for that."

"Oh bloody hell Trip, the bloody mongrel was sniffing me up the… well… sniffing me up my bum. It was disgusting!"

"Well, Mal, he was just trying to make sure you were you." Trip explained implacable, unruffled, as easy going as usual.

"hmphf!" sniffed Malcolm grumbling as he groomed "Insufferable. Unbelievable." grooming his claws and glaring menacingly at the approaching beagle and company.

Hoshi squealed and picked up both cats, hugging them to her bosom. Each man trying desperately to get out of her clutches.

"Please Hoshi" begged Malcolm. "This is inappropriate. Please, let us go."

Trip was blushing even though he was copping a feel of the pretty perky little set of breasts. Malcolm growled low and scratched Trip a good one. Trip yowled in pain and misery.

"Bastard, what was that for."

"You know what it was for." Hissed Reed glaring. "She's like a sister. A sister in arms and there you are getting your feel on. That's despicable!"

"I'm a man, but I'm also a gentleman Mal I would never!" he protested "Besides, Hoshi ain't letting us go. She loves cats. I was merely hugging her back the only way I can being a cat 'n'all, rubbing my warm fuzzy cheeks against her chest."

Malcolm's next sniff snort said plainly what he thought of that line of fishy tails.

Trip sighed and whined kitty style, looking miserably from his cat Mal to his friend Hoshi. Hoshi petted and soothed both bringing out a rumbling purr in Trip and a reluctant little purr from the displeased, disgruntled Reed.

Archer looked at the pile of clothes to his dog to the cats in Hoshi's arms. Something about the cats' personalities spooked him. They were giving off the weird vibe of Tucker and Reed.

Sure his men had the names jinx when together but really how twisted would the universe's sense of humor have to be in order to turn his men from humans into cats? Not that cats didn't suit the two men, they did. Frankly both men often acted like cats at the oddest times, namely around each other and their territory.

People thought dogs had problems with territory but cats were far more volatile and more stubborn when it came to their areas, in that commonality so did Trip and Reed.

"Take readings of the area and find Trip and Malcolm. They can't be far. Their clothes are here on the ground."

The away team searched and spread out for miles and hours. Malcolm and Trip eventually were let go and they settled comfortably on their pile of clothes each waiting uncharacteristically patiently for the bells to start ringing in their crewmates' heads.

Hello, Reed and Tucker, sitting right here. Yes, we're kitty cats now. Now take us home, you slow wits. Malcolm and Trip groomed one another Trip with his usual humor at play watched the trams frantically search for their lost bodies.

"You want to make a wager Commander?" asked Reed starting to get depressed.

"Sure, what kind of wager and what's the stakes?"

"I wager you that the crew isn't going to figure it out." said Reed grumpily. His hopes flying away.

"Don't be ridiculous of course they'll figure it out. Look, here comes Porthos. I think he has a gift for you Mal."

Porthos timidly made his way back to his uncle Trip and friend/(not friend?) Malcolm. He did bring a gift it was a flower he thought Malcolm might like. It scented of pineapples which he knew friend Malcolm loved best. He whuffed gently and settled at their sides watching the crew like a spectator at the lines of some deranged field of football.

All three animals watched weary as the humans began to slow down and lose hope.

"We can't find them." Said Reed's second. She was upset and looked about ready to crack. "This is so frustrating. Why can't we find them? The scanners say they're here but we aren't seeing them anywhere!"

Arc her ordered. "Check the area again. Search harder. We have to find them. Its starting to get dark and the clouds are coming in. Its going to be raining soon."

Malcolm shared a look with Trip, a familiar one if Archer had been watching he would have seen it. Finally both cats started meowing like crazy. Each one of the cats scrambled for attention. Porthos howled along side of them. Not sure what was going on but if his uncle and his friend were making a ruckus why not join in? The beagle loved games and figured this might just be one.

Jonathan Archer put fingers to his the bridge of his nose and squeezed. God what a headache. "Porthos, stop." Snapped Archer. "Hoshi do something about those blasted cats."

Hoshi blinked her scanner was aimed for the cats as her attentions were focused on it and on her captain's orders.

"Uh, sir, Captain Archer, uh, I don't quite know how to say this but um, I think uhm-mm."

"What Hoshi, Ensign, spit it out, what is it?"

"Well sir, it doesn't make much sense sir, but I really think you better take a look at these readings."

Archer frowned but did as Hoshi asked him. He waved his scanner carefully over the two cats who now stood perfectly still, almost at attention, well the gray one anyway while the other one slinked and slouched. Archer blinked at his reading at first he couldn't believe his eyes. "Maybe it's the clothes, someone remove the mens' clothes."

Stephanie, Reed's second, did as Archer asked. Though both cats seemed reluctant to let her take away the commander's and Lieutenant's clothes. Archer kept scanning the cats and gulped.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed in horror. "How the hell did this happen?"

Both cats' let their heads hang down in shame. The crew watched. The cats understood them, understood their human speech. Were they a race of beings who looked like cats that could understand Earth talk? Or was it just some coincidence that cats' behavior seemed almost human?

"You two," said Archer, frowning at first then stopping to splutter then to smile and then laugh. "Only you guys could find a way to get into a mess like this one. What the hell happened to the both of you? How did this happen?"

The cats tried to talk, tried to explain, but then both sighed and gave up they only had cat voices and cat sounds to make themselves understood, as well as cat body language. Reed's tail twitched then twisted and folded over Trip's tail. They both looked miserable.

Hoshi quickly fixed a communicator to both cat's collars by cutting a strip of cloth from each man's shirts then proceeded to program the communicator for cat speech.

"Now try it." She insisted sweetly. Both cats twitched, Malcolm glared at her in defiance. How dare she rip his shirt and then make it into a foppy bow tie around his neck. It was indignity it was. Trip didn't seem too bothered by it. The lazy bones. Trip smiled like the cat who ate the canary.

"Bloody wanker." He hissed. The crew blinked and bent closer to the device at Reed's neck almost certain they had heard their straight laced officer curse and use a very naughty profanity.

"Yes, Lieutenant you say something?" asked Trip rolling lazily onto his back, his ears flicking this way and that. He had no worries at present; he was a happy little kitty cat. He'd won the wager and now they were about to go home and with these little devices on their necks they could talk to the crew like normal.

"Nothing sir." He growled, then slumped.

Archer couldn't stop himself from laughing. He just couldn't, it was just too funny for words.

* * *

**CHAPTER TWO**

Being a cat wasn't easy on board ship. Malcolm felt his cat nature rear its ugly head more than once, distracting him from his job. But worse was that his cat form distracted his team as well as the crew from their jobs.

The Captain was having a hard time distinguishing cat from officer as well. Of course it didn't help matters that the cat often batted at the giant floppy bow around his neck and proceeded to shred the bow and well lose the communicator.

Reed's fur raised on its own at the memory of being taken in hand and forced to sit on the captain's lap to endure petting.

He hissed and roared and had a total cat hissy fit in his quarters.

It wasn't just the captain either. His own security people often forgot he was their commanding officer and did much the same as the Captain and Hoshi. He licked his fur, grooming himself hoping to calm down. And now there was this ache beginning and he felt itchy and well twitchy, he felt antsy he felt he needed something, needed to do something. But the human part of him had no clue as to what the cat part wanted or rather needed.

He felt irritable, more so than usual. He felt restless and soon he stalked around his quarters meowing and roaring at the top of his lungs, the cat was calling for something and he waited for a reply ears calked listening for an answer for the other one to give voice as well.

He stalked out of his quarters in a foul mood and let out more bellowing meows.

He felt distressed and pained.

And _good lord_! His privates were swelling.

He felt hot and desperate.

_Where was another cat when he needed one?_

_Oh, yes, that's right, engineering! Trip was in engineering right now._

He purred at the ingenious thought. He meowed happily and loudly then made a quick route through the inner panels of the ship. Of course his happiness took a turn toward further distress and quickened his speed even more.

At cat speed he ran all the way to engineering where he saw Trip the lazy wanker taking advantage of his team of engineers letting them pet him and fondle him and feed him treats.

Malcolm Reed scowled and let out a low dangerous growl. Trip blinked jauntily stood to all four paws then sat his fat bum down on the deck and began to groom himself in a lazy come hither kind of way, that made Malcolm twitch some more. The growl began to grow in decibels.

Trip seemed to sigh then like a flash he leaped at Malcolm and was on him quickly, deadly. Fat cat squashing him, he grunted, growled, hissed, flailed away and managed a few swipes of his claws marked the other cat. Trails of claw marks and bites on Trip's orange fur egged Trip on to prove his dominance. Trip eventually had him pinned. Trip's sharp teeth at his neck made him purr, it made him yield to the orange cat and yet it only seemed increase his ache even more.

He felt wanton and slutty, yet satisfied in a major way when Trip finally took him. Of course there was an uproar and people scrambled to disengage the two of them from their intimate yet public well… what to call it… sex? Mating? It felt good it felt perfect it felt right.

Malcolm scowled and meowed plaintively then more angrily as he was distanced from Trip, his lover. He clawed and cried and meowed pitiably. Screaming cat like fury and pain and need; Trip echoed him, even managed to take a few chunks out of one or two of the officers dragging him away from his mate.

He felt like a Juliet and Romeo being parted by their two families forced aside. Engineering and Security were suddenly at war with one another.

"Get your Commander off of our Lieutenant"

"Scat"

"Get away from him, you giant perv!"

"Hey! No need for name calling." Roared the distressed Reed in outrage. "That's my Trip your calling names." He meowed, spitting and hissing at them all, scrambling to get near to Trip and hopefully have Trip inside him again. That had been bloody good, the best he'd felt ever.

He wanted Trip desperately. How dare his teammates keep him away from his Lover?

"Ouch" cried one of his team, as Reed took a bite out his arm, clawing at the chest and neck and arms and anywhere else he could get a few slashes in, but the bloody bastard held on in spite of his wounds.

"Sorry sir, I can't let you go. I know you're in distress. I know you're in heat but seriously, when you're yourself again you'll thank me. Honest." Said the earnest officer. He was resolute in his duty in protecting his commanding officer.

Trip was howling and screaming for Reed as well. Triip was mirroring Malcolm's actions with his own people, even breaking down in to giant cat like wails with human tears to accompany his yeowls.

Engineers screamed back at the security teams.

"Keep Reed-n-heat away from our Commander, he doesn't need to get pregnant again." Engineering wasn't about to take any chances with their commander.

Everyone was out of control and Trip and Malcolm were both miserable, more so than ever before. It was a ridiculous situation. The need for kitty loving grew more desperate for both cats being in season was nasty and it hurt.

Both cats were irritable and bad tempered hissing at anyone who came near them, even swiping their claws across the unwary bit of flesh that they came in contact with. Baleful glares aimed at engineers and security officers alike.

The cats meowed night and day and even Porthos joined in sensing friend Malcolm and Uncle Trip's distress. Sometimes just howling really let it all out. Night and day, cat and dog, day and night, they howled and cried piteously throughout the mating season.

The cats were in love.

The cats were in season.

They were in heat

They wanted to mate very badly.

People suffered for their interference. Even after the season ended Trip and Reed did not easily forgive their do-gooder crew mates. The two cats palled and prowled around almost like they were glued to each other's hips, though no sex was in evidence between them. Still crews watched and made sure to separate them if anything untoward seemed to be about to happen.

Many wounding was given, blood was shed more than once and both Trip and Reed were cranky.

When will this end?

When are we ever going to be human again?

The cats wondered.

* * *

**PART THREE**

The season of kitty love had to come to an end eventually. Porthos was just starting to really enjoy his kitty pals when the Q arrived on Enterprise….

The cats were meowing fervently as the arrivals gathered them up in their arms. The woman petting and kissing them while the older male figure looked sternly on the young woman.

"Must I Father?"

"Yes, you must. No interference in the development of the Human race must be allowed. You know the rules."

"But I wanted a couple of pets and they were so sweet. They make such good little kitty cats. Why can't I keep them?" she pouted.

"Q, do as you are told. Don't make me take your powers away and lock you up in a meteor."

"Why did I have to have such a mean Q for a Dad!" she whined. "Fine." She unwhammied them.

Reed and Tucker gasped as they felt their fir go away and their height return to normal.

"Their clothes Q, where are their clothes?" demanded the dower older Q.

Malcolm Reed hissed and quickly covered his bare body ashamed to be seen without his clothes on and terrified that someone in the crew might see him naked outside of the gym showers.

Tucker seemed less ashamed of his nakedness. He stood proud and all man. In kitty form he had looked bulky and fat but in human form he was just perfect.

Reed tried not to look. Tried very hard not to think thoughts of well a… sexual nature. _He's my friend. I am not looking at my friend like that._ He told himself firmly.

Tucker smiled. "Like what ya see Mal. Cause I certainly like what I see."

"Shameless." He gasped and closed his eyes tightly demanding his body not to respond.

Tucker was not inclined to do as Reed was doing. He looked his fill. His gaze soft with love.

The Q looked at the two of them with some fascination before the older Q recalled his daughter was hardly old enough to see such things and swiftly took action.

"Come Q, it is time to leave."

"But Dad, it's getting interesting."

"You're too young for that kind of scientific study." Insisted the older Q.

"But Daddy, I'm seven hundred years old, when am I going to be old enough to learn sex ed?"

"Never." He muttered too low for anyone to hear. "If I have anything to say on the matter." Then more loudly, he insisted. "It's time to go."

Younger Q left in a fit of temper while the older Q mopped his brow and then winked at Tucker.

"Good luck with your mate. You'll have lovely children, I'm sure."

And with that the nosey most curious most powerful being in the entire galaxy disappeared.

Tucker took Malcolm into his arms then quickly they ran to the nearest quarters which happened to be Tucker's quarters. Once inside Trip kissed Malcolm's lips for a long, long, time bringing forth all kinds of delicious sounds from the usually well controlled and behaved Reed.

Trip's hands dipped low and squeezed firm buttocks making Reed hungry for carnal things. Tucker's hands roamed and stroked and squeezed making Malcolm moan, writhe and scream endlessly for a time.

Falling back on damp sheets, bodies calming down as the last orgasm was wrenched from their bodies. Trip looked happily on his paramour. Reed returned the smile but it dimmed as his mind turned to matters of the ship and protocol.

"What are we going to do?" asked Reed.

"About what?" asked Tucker.

"About this!" Demanded Reed. "How are we going to explain it to people. The rules are not meant to be broken Trip. I mean this could get messy."

"Mal, don't ruin a good thing. Or should I give you something for your mind to bend around."

"What do you mean?" asked Reed as Trip leaned over and then planted another long lingering kiss on his lips.

_Damn chemistry._ Thought Reed as his mind blanked out and his body arched into firm strokes. He wasn't a youth anymore. He couldn't believe his body was still able to respond after being so thoroughly ravished only moments before.

"Trip, you're impossible." He gasped through his panting, as Trip covered his body again with his own and the hardness he could plainly feel as it made its re-acquaintance merrily with his body again.

"Insatiable." Moaned Reed, eyes closing with pleasure.

"Thoroughly." Said Tucker happy as he stroked long and deep into the welcoming tight and wet body under his.

Reed was practically sobbing as Tucker took him again and again screaming as orgasm was inevitable.

"The crew will get used to us and Jonny won't mind, as long as we're happy, he'll be fine with it."

It was kind of hard to argue when you were breathless from mind shattering sex. The lights went out and Reed was unconscious for a while. When he woke next he was greeted by breakfast in a clean bed and a tidy room. Tucker had been busy while Reed had been asleep.

"I think I love you." He murmured.

Tucker smiled broadly at him. "Of course you do Mal, and I love you. Now eat your breakfast. We have only an hour left before we got to get to our posts."

The End


End file.
